Can I just skip Christmas? This cold/flu or whatever it is is about to get the best of me. I feel terrible. I’m don’t have much money. I’ve only bought a couple Christmas presents for my grandchildren. I haven’t bought anything for my children or my husband. My house is a disaster. I have a ton of laundry to do. I need to pay bills and go through mail but then there’s hat money problem again. I didn’t put up any Christmas decorations not even a tree. My family won’t come for Christmas dinner at my house. They decided that even before I got sick. I’m rambling I know. I’n fighting another anxiety attack and my mind is going around in circles. I feel so alone and overwhelmed. The suicidal thoughts are pounding in my ears all day. I started cutting again today. I just want it to end.