I know I haven’t been on in a long time. I’ve been having self harming thoughts again including suicide. Let’s face it, I’m no good here. My kids rarely come see me or even contact me which means I don’t see my grandkids. I haven’t seen my mom in I can’t remember how long. The only time I have contact with my sister is at church.
I feel like my marriage is a charade. I’m just the maid and cook. It seems like I never do anything right. I’m far from perfect. I know I make lots of mistakes. However, I shouldn’t be called a “cunt” like I was tonight or the other times it’s happened. Tonight I was called a cunt because I wouldn’t stop and watch a football clip on my way to the kitchen to work on dinner. Out of the blue about 10 minutes later, he slammed the remote down onto the floor so hard it bounced back up and flew across the room because I said I didn’t want a piece of cheesecake. Tell me what I did to deserve either of those. It’s now been over an hour and he’s refusing to talk to me and of course no apology. It’s all my fault.
I’m tired of trying. I’m tired of fighting. I’m tired of being ignored. I’m tired of feeling like I don’t matter. I’m tired of living.