Marriage Isn’t Always What It’s Cracked Up To Be

While I was dating my husband, things were near perfect.  He treated me as if I were his partner and soul mate.  We did a lot together.  He even helped me clean house.  Lord knows, I wasn’t use to that.  We helped each other with all of the chores inside and out, well except the laundry and cooking.  I thought I had found my dream man…the one that was the total package.

My husband was good to me and I returned the favor.  I pampered him.  What began as ways for me to show my love and appreciation became expectations.  I now HAD to get his clothes out daily.  I not only made his meals, but I also made his plate and took it to him wherever he decided to eat.  I kept glasses in the freezer so he could have a frosty cold drink with his meal.  I took everything to him.  He started expecting me to stop what I was going and go make him popcorn, get him a drink, or whatever else he wanted.  Hell, I even began clipping his damn toenails.

Basically, I became his slave.  If I forgot to do something or didn’t do it as quick as he thought I should, he would get furious and scream at me.  For example if I was finishing making a certain item for dinner after I took him his plate and forgot his drink, he would scream at me “I’m going to choke to death!  Bring me my milk!” Please keep in mind that I always feed him, then the kids and finally I sit down to eat myself.  At this point, I’m usually eating alone.  I’m not sure why I have been using the past tense because it’s still happening.

My husband has become a very controlling person.  After we were married, he casually stated three things he would NOT have in a woman.  First, he wouldn’t have a gray haired woman.  I was to keep my hair dyed if need be.

Second, he would NOT have a fat woman.  I was about 129 lbs. when we started dating.  After several surgeries, I ballooned up to 185, but am down to 175 now.  He’s made little comments to let me know that he’s not real thrilled with my size. I try to brush them off, but it hurts.  It’s probably good to point out that he’s about 300 lbs. so he has no room to judge.

Lastly, he would NOT have a woman that wouldn’t give it up.  If we go more than a few days, he complains until I give him what he wants whether it be intercourse or oral sex.  Shoot after my hysterectomy and bladder surgery, we only waited like three days.  Every time we do have sex, I’m expected to get wet and cum….every single time.  Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum on demand?  It’s almost impossible, for me anyway.

As time progressed, the rude comments and belittling were a part of my daily life.  Comments about my hair color, weight, how clean I kept the house, doing chores for him outside, or whatever else rubbed him wrong that day.  For a while, this side of our life was kept behind closed doors.  We were the perfect couple in front of people.  It’s at the point now that the snide remarks, bossing and making me feel like shit happens in front of everyone except our church family.  It’s usually not to the extreme it is at home, but it happens.  I just want to crawl in a hole and die when he does it.  Hell who am I kidding…I want to die most days.

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4 thoughts on “Marriage Isn’t Always What It’s Cracked Up To Be

  1. I cannot glean from this post if Jesus is at the forefront of your life but it may not be at the foundation of your marriage. This saddens me deeply. I am newly married but my husband has been divorced twice now. I pray consistently for my marriage. My husband does let me know but I bring most of my expectations to Christ rather than my husband. You should never be anyone’s slave. Even God gives us free will. I will be praying for you and your husband.

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  2. I so desperately do not mean to sound harsh, and i will you will not take it that way…but after watching my parents battle for 25 years before getting divorced, i learned marriage is what YOU make of it and what you are willing to deal with. It sounds like you stopped dealing long ago and began resenting. And that will eventually become resentment towards yourself for staying. No judgement either way, just make yourself happy. Peace to you, my friend.

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  3. I felt really sad reading your blog. Please get help urgently. Find someone Godly and mature who can counsel you or a Christian psychologist. Things will not just get better. God can turn your situation around, but you need to really turn to Him and ask him to help you and direct you to good counsel and support. Your situation is really unhealthy at this stage! I hope and pray that with the Lord’s help, things will turn around!

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